On the way!

It took me some time to really put my heart and soul into it, but finally it's coming out! I have finished three scenes for the film this afternoon. Since there are only four characters in the film, the father, the mother, their son Pierre and his friend Luc. Each of them will receive a different musical treatment.
The first completed music is for the opening titles and the first scene, I had plenty of music that I had written earlier this year which hasn't been used. I reworked on one of them for FangYi but she rejected it. Eventually, it seems that even if I thought I was working for her, I was actually working for the film. 

The second music  is for a scene involving the father. It's a very simple theme which is played by the piano, backed by tablas and a cello playing on pizz. That same theme will be recorded a second time, the main part this time which will be played by Emily.
The third one is for a race scene where we see Luc running in the city, as if in an attempt to escape their city. He's joined by Pierre and both of them end up breathless and yelling on top of thei lungs on a bridge. The music starts with light electronic bleeps as percussions come in, played on drums and strings in a big climax. The will music will segue into something more peaceful and happy, in a scene where the two boys play make-believe and pretend that local spots in Taipei are actually famous places in Paris.
More music is ready to get out of my fingers... I hope to have everything in the can - more or less, before I leave. And that's likely to be doable.

Wired

In the dream, I heard the noise of glass breaking. The two cats had been playing, jumping and running around the house and as they tried to reach a higher bookshelf, everything collapsed in a big crash.

My brother was sorry about the damage. Izac was there too. The dream ended with FangYi opening the door of the living room, smiling and looking very tanned...

I woke up. The light was still on. 5 o'clock in the morning. Not without difficulty, I had found sleep. It was Andy. He had broken a glass. He and Chubby were still speaking and smoking on the balcony as I fell in an agitated slumber. 

Oh yes, and that's the last day of the month of the ghosts...

5 o'clock. In spite of my exhaustion, I couldn't fall back asleep. I was thinking about FangYi. She had rejected all the new musical proposition I had been working on these past days, saying that she preferred the original versions. To me, the original versions were only incomplete drafts I made as references for her, before I can expand them as the work progresses. It's a pity because I was quite happy and enthusiastic about the new music I had done. It was no longer unused music clumsily patched together, it started to have a life and a personality.

The uneasy realisation that I'm not having a true artistic collaboration with her but instead just supplying background music annoys me. Once again, I am trapped in a situation where I have no say, and work with people who listen to the music with narrow ears. In this regard Jo is a rare gem. There hasn't been another one like him. I also feel the same frustration with this film project. I even feel like call it off and finding a way to return the advance money they wired me a couple of months ago. So far, most of my commissions in Taipei have brought me nothing but frustration... But I also realise this is partly my doing: I accept everything much too easily, even if I know nothing about the project or the people involved, so happy am I to find something to do.

It's a shame especially particularly in FangYi's case, for she is a beautiful and mesmerising performer,

as it also was a shame a few months ago, with that debacle when I worked with Huang Yi on Symphony Project. Much talent, much ado for - to put it mildly, an underwhelming nothing. However, I'm aware that we're not at the end of it and that she may change her mind with time.

For now I feel deeply frustrated. I really do wonder why I keep attracting this kind of situation. What aspect of my life do I have to work on? How long shall it go on before I deserve something good?

Many envy the freedom I have in my life. They just don't realise at what cost.

[...]

Finally! I know how I will approach the music for the film. I had been toying with various possibilities, and I think I should go along with the way Bryan directed his film: as an observer. He doesn't tell the story, nor does he get emotionally committed to characters. That's where the music has to play a part, for scenes which seem to be dragging aimlessly, or scenes where people talk a lot, but where the dialogue isn't actually used in a dramatic way like say, in a play. The balance will then be brought by the music. 
I hope Bryan will agree with that choice, for that's the only solution I see to give the film some hook. I know it may sound presomptuous of me to say so.
I only wish he will not do like FangYi and discard all my effort to enhance what he has done. I feel that his partner and producer agrees with me on many part so I expect to receive his support. I shall see Emily to record the cello parts sometime this week.
It's not the project of a lifetime, but I try to give it all I can.

Under the Civic Boulevard

Thief

I really liked Thief when I saw during the Taipei Film Festival. Jay Chern, the director, had been working for Johan Ku on the video installation of The Hole, so he invited Johan and me to attend a screening of his short film.

We went to the Bar Code to celebrate, Jay, the premiere of his film, Johan and I, the opening of the Stay Real Dream exhibition. Jay came with CJ, the producer of his film, a charming young girl who is actually a theatre director. We quickly got into deep discussion about music, film, theatre, creativity...

CJ had written a thesis on a Norwegian playwright, Jon Fosse, directed one of his plays, and met the man - when it is a known fact that he would seldom meet total strangers.

When I told CJ about Devant mes Yeux/Before my Eyes, the play I had been having in my mind for many years already, she said there were many similarities in the themes between what I had told her and Jon Fosse's plays. I shall have to read some of them. 

But I think I have found the director for my play! I have to find the time to pen it. 

CJ wrote back to me a few days ago to say that Jay may need my help for Thief.

It turned out that Jay may have some copyright problem with some of the music he had used for the soundtrack. He had indeed been granted the permission to feature Ella Fitzgerald singing But not for me, but the permission apprently only applied for theatrical distribution. Now that the film will be showed on TV, it doesn't apply, whence their call for help.

And said yes.

"Even when I have too many projects, I still say accept new ones" I joked. CJ laughed when she heard that. 

"And it's not until the deadline approaches that I start to freak out. But I still say 'Oh, yes, I can do it!"

And I said yes.

I will have to write a jazzy number and some incidental music. Jay will send me the film and discuss the scenes.

We were talking as we were munching on fairly big-sized burgers at a burger spot which CJ had picked, called An Burger...  

This restaurant is famous for its giant hamburger dish that the staff challenges the customer to eat within less than one hour. If he succeeds, then it's on the house. And if the he succeeds in less than 45 minutes, he's given 300 $. Needless to say no one has managed to win: the hamburger itself has 4 pounds of meat, to which one has to add 2 pounds or mashed potatoes, 2 pounds of French fries, 1,8 liter of coke and a plateful of fried brownies - we tasted them, they're awful!
Not unlike one of Hercules' twelve labours!

Watch: The Hole (Variation One)
 A conceptual short, part of a series of 7 videos directed by Johan Ku for his 2011-2012 A/W collection.

Farewell

When my father came back from his second trip to Vietnam, after 20 years or so away from his homeland, he brought back a tape on which he had recorded a conversation with my mother's father. 

For me it was a strange experience to hear for the first time the voice of a grand father I had never met - and would never be able to meet. He was then already very sick and weak, even though he sounded very lively and talkative.

For my mother, it was a devastating experience to hear the voice of a her father she dearly missed and hadn't seen for nearly three decades. It was a Saturday, after lunch. My parents were having their adult talk and I was still at the table with them, half-listening. Then the tape was mentioned. My mother insisted in hearing it, despite my father's weak protestations. She cried like I had never seen her cry before. There was nothing I could do to console her.

I wish to hear the tape, now. Nearly thirty years later...

I thought of that distant episode as I stood at the back of the funeral hall, listening to the three monks chanting the sutras, watching Pinga's parents saying farewell to her. 

Her father made a very moving eulogy. He was standing in front of the altar with his wife, the sister and the brother on either side of it.

One of the things he regretted was to not be able to take his daughter to the southern island for her wedding as he had promised her. Now he's going to carry a picture of her and travel the world with her.

An orchestral arrangement of Chopin's 'Tristesse' Etude was being played on repeat at the end, when we all had to go by group and salute the family.

ChingYao, James, Thomas as well as a few other friends were there, our eyes all red with tears. 

"I'm going more and more emotional as I grow older", I told James.

"Because we carry more as our life experience expands. We understand more what it feels like" he replied.

"To prevent myself from bursting into tears, I had to think of the most trivial things, like this woman's hairdo, the flower decoration, what this person was wearing... But it would only last for a few moment before I would get another attack..."

The ceremony ended with everyone walking one by one to the back of the altar and throwing rose petals in the coffin. Japanese pop songs were blasting out of the speakers. Pinga had been made up. So thin she was... The picture displayed at the altar was of a beautiful and smiling Pinga as we would or should remember her. For a second, I saw her face at the hospital and the pain she found hard to conceal.

Now she can go. 

"I'm not afraid to die, I'm just worried that I won't be able to take care of people anymore" she had said. 

Goodbye Pinga.

 

The afternoon demanded that I quickly shifted to another mode and another mood. I had seen FangYi the previous day and we both agreed that I would just do as I pleased for the music and then hand it to her to choreograph on it. I think it will help her structure the piece more tightly.

I didn't understand that she intended to make it in two parts, the first one being Oneness, and the other one - the more rhythmical one which also feature two hip hop dancers from Macau called Just. 

I however suggested to make the two parts become one. After all, she came up with Oneness... She didn't seem to see how that was possible, but I shall show her in the music. 

I extended Just with a new section which will be a dual between two taiko drums. I recorded them for Auntie three years ago, but never used. That section will be for the two hip-hop dancers. I saw a video of their rehearsal standard street dancing with the standard attitude and movements. FangYi didn't quite know what to do with them since they have no training in any other dance disciplines. To displace the urban flavour and set it in musical surrounding which has little to do with the hip-hop world.

I also showed FangYi videos taken during the rehearsals of Sur le Fil in Paris. She seemed almost relieved to see the possible ways she could take now.

I have to finish all the music before next week. And also this film score which is dragging on and on...

[...]

If the day started in mourning, it ended in sensorial elation.
Chubby gave me an invitation to attend the opening of this year's Taipei Art Fair. Hundreds of galleries from around the world - actually Asia, some European countries and a couple of US cities... Nothing very exciting under the sun (contemporary art fails seems to be a recycling of modern art, I find), lots of rubbish sold at outrageous prices as usually the case. So instead of looking for a captivating life changing discovery, I paid more attention to details. I get saturated very quickly when I go to museums. Each painting is like a life story which emanates very strong vibrations, as if they were living beings. After a encountering few of them, I'm exhausted.
My usual way in museums is to walk past the paintings as I would walk past people in my daily life, until I see one that catches my attention - one cannot talk to everyone at the same time.
Chubby works for Lin&Lin, arguably the most famous gallery in Taiwan. There was a corner which they turned into a private little salon: a vintage sofa, a wooden coffee table and a Zao Wou Ki painting hanging on the wall. Who wouldn't dream of such space in their home? I'm one of them.

The Zao Wou Ki corner.
Chubby told me not to show the painting,
whence the red cross.

Tsai Ming-Liang was there, of course surrounded by a herd of journalists, admirers and cameramen. Since his last film, Faces takes place in the Louvres museum, it was that film which he showcased.
One gallery which kept me watching each piece attentively one by one, came unsurprisingly from Japan. The Saihodo Gallery. When I'm rich I will...

Art Fair crowd.

A photographer: Simon Chang. He did a whole series in Slovenia. He was there, commenting on his work. I had seen his book. I shall go to Eslite and get it!

Simon Chang and his audience

Quickie in Hong Kong

I went, I saw, I left.

That's how the trip to Hong Kong felt like. I wish I could have stayed longer, but the workload is too heavy for me to 'waste' one more day (and waste more money, spending time there).

I managed to see a few friends Hong Kong style, ie. 90 minutes or so for each person. As I was about to take the tramway back to my friend Nicolas' place, I called Chet Lam to say hello. He had a photo shooting the next day so the only time to meet was now.

"Come to my place now!!! I have moved into a new flat! It's near where you are staying! Come!!!"

It was nearly midnight. But I was leaving the next day, so why not?

Chet had moved into one of those new luxurious complexes that had grown like mushrooms along the southern coast of the Hong Kong island. It was far from everything, but rich people have cars - or drivers so their last concern is to catch the last train or find the nearest convenient store.

It was as tasteless, garish and tacky as it was luxurious. Something between Willy Wonka's palace and a Las Vegas hotel. The opulence of bad art, glitter, marble and all the shabada nearly made me choke.

"Chinese potato farmer gone rich overnight" I said. Chet laughed at that. 

"At least, it's quiet and I have a good view on the sea" he said. Indeed, I could see the chimneys of Lamma Island, not far away.

Of course, with Chet it is always a lot about music. His record collection is impressive. I could stand for hours in front of the shelves and dig out artists I had never heard of.

His new side project will be to do another cover album, this time with all the bombastic power ballads of the 80's.

"Guilty pleasure!" he said as he played them to me.

I remember how Simon would also like to torture me with 80's hit songs. Oh... Chet and Simon are the same age! 

I don't know how many album he releases each year... He gave me his latest release: a collaboration with a glamorous female art dealer, an album about the art of love poems in China done in a contemporary setting. 

We talked until four in the morning. It was time for me to go home. I could nearly hear the birds starting to chirp in the distance...

I'm always so excited to be in Hong Kong.

[...]

I met Jay for lunch. He was working on the Kowloon side of Hong Kong, in Tsim Sha Tsui. He had started to write again, after many years away from his pen, and had lots of questions about music and songwriting.
I also learned that a common friend of ours had cancer - that thing again... and was fighting it with all his might and the most positive attitude he could muster. I never suspected it in our Facebook exchanges. He always seems so healthy, with a drop-dead gorgeous figure. I thought of Pinga. I hope, I hope he will make it.

Another casting call from the agency today. I had had no news regarding the previous ones so I didn't know what to do. This time it was an add for a TV commercial, something to do with an insurance company.
"Bring your suit again!" Wayne said.
"It's too big for me. I look stupid in it." I replied.
"Doesn't matter. Bring it anyway. It's some kind of emergency. The shooting will be in Shanghai this Sunday."
Considering the current tension between France and China, I explained to him that I may not get the visa for China. Was it worth going?
...
The casting took place at the other end of the city, of course. As I stepped out of the MTR station I felt a big weight on my neck. A wrung neck? Maybe the exposure to AC and constant temperature changes in Hong Kong... Or maybe like in this film, Shutter where the main character carries the ghost of a dead girlfriend on his shoulder...?
I couldn't find the street. It started to rain. A big storm. Thunder and lightning. I was soaked. No money to take a taxi. I called Wayne to tell him that maybe I would call it a day and go home. But I had only walked a few steps toward the station that I decided against it and asked again for direction. Wayne called me back. I told him I actually was on my way to the casting. He arranged for someone from the company to pick me up.
I put my suit on. Too big. I obviously lost some weight in Taipei. They gave me another one. Too small.
"Just with the shirt is okay."
I did a few video tests. "Turn this way, turn that way". Some photos. "Turn this way, turn that way".
Still something was missing.
"We would like you to have a more Korean style..." the girl said.
They showed one of the pictures that my agent sent them. The one done by Annie.
"See? You look Korean on that one!"
I was given a pair of tight jeans, a short-sleeved grey jacket and a white t-shirt.
"We will try with that"
I did the same video and photo tests. From the girl's smile, it was more convincing. "More Korean!" she said.
Réponse tonight.

I reflected on all the recent events. For the past week, I had done three castings for commercials. Why now? What did it mean? And maybe this shooting in Shanghai on Sunday!
I am slightly confused but I'm ready to embrace whatever comes my way.

The phone just rang. It was FangYi. We'll meet tomorrow afternoon to discuss the music of Oneness.
And I have promised Bryan I would show him some music for his film by the end of the week...

J'aime ça

He was standing in front of the bed, with a little flash light in his hand. It was a three in the morning. Andy had just come home from an evening out, probably with friends.

I gasped. I was in the middle of my sleep so the effect was quite violent. Andy laughed, trying to imitate the devilish laugh of a wicked witch. Month of the ghosts again... Or the merits of the drinks.

Quite strangely, he didn't chose to sleep in the guestroom but again with me. Maybe the comfort of familiarity...

I accompanied ChingYao to get his test result at the hospital. The big hug I gave him certainly expressed how happy and relieved I was. After Pinga passed away, I treasure my health. 

We then ran to the National Theatre where FangYi wanted to show me some more dance she has done for Oneness. Three dancers were missing, the music sounded half-dressed, but the set design at least, was ready. I'm starting to see how it will look like. So far, nothing transcendental though... It's a bit of a mish-mash between Martha Graham, modern dance and hip-hop... FangYi will undoubtedly bring out a her flair in her solo which opens the piece. The other dancers are very young and not that exciting to watch. That said, it's only a rehearsal, months away from the premiere. I think however that I will add a bit more drama in the music and maybe everything will come alive. 

We will meet again next week to finalise what she needs for the whole piece. 

But I loved the chairs that were done for the set design. 

ChingYao laughed when I made the remark. 

"You're obsessed with chairs!!!" he said.

The casting was for a phone company. I had to 'be' a business man. I put on the suit and realised that it was now too big for me. Did I shrink during my time in Taipei? I had it done three years ago for my brother's wedding... 

Now I looked like a young kid who tries one his father's clothes...

A couple a pictures were taken and I was free to leave.

The day didn't stop there since I had to book my tickets for Hong Kong and Paris. The travel agent did the best he could to find me a good deal.

Departure date to Paris: 09/11. Rings a bell?

The gym is my haven. I can meditate and find peace of mind as I tune up and (tone up) with my body. I can meet other bodies and find some solace with them.

I was about to take a shower before the work out. And I saw a smiling young man who signaled me to follow him. It was a quick and friendly affair. I don't even know his name. He wasn't one of those narcissists one finds so often at the gym. He was nice, direct and affectionate. J'aime ça.

[...]

I'm happy to have booked my ticket to Paris. In a little more than two weeks, I shall be walking the Parisian streets again. But first comes Hong Kong in two days!

"Take this pill"

Got another call from the agency. They want to see my sunny, funny face tomorrow.
"This time you won't have to speak. It's for a printed add" Wayne, my agent's assistant said.
"Wear a suit" he added.
"I'll bring one. Although with this heat, I can't really see myself wearing a suit and running around!"
"Fine. Bring one and you'll change here. I'll go with you to the studio." the assistant said, laughing.

I'm also seeing FangYi tomorrow morning at the National Theatre to see more of what she has done choreographically one Oneness.
I suddenly realise that I have to extend the piece as she has required me to do, last time we met. I'll have to ask how the audienced received this solo from Oneness she presented last month at this festival in the US. The big premiere will be in December in Macau. I must admit, I haven't put too much of mind in it.
Next week, I'll fly to Hong Kong. And I also have to see about the flight ticket to Paris...
And what about this project in Vietnam this month of October? I wrote to Loc, the director, but got no reply...
Whatever happens, I will just follow my intuition and do what I see fit.
But I have the funniest feling a lot of it is going to be a last-minute-rush affair.

I was racing yesterday with a biker on my way home from the gym. At a red light, he stopped next to me and it took me a few minutes before I realised he was talking to me. I had my headphones on and Radiohead was playing full blast.
"Are you An Ton...?" he asked.
"Em.... how do you know?" I didn't recognise him.
"Were you in Taipei three years ago? You did a musical, didn't you? Auntie... "
Oh dear... Auntie was haunting me.
I asked his name. Only then did I know whom I was talking to. Facebook friend. He had seen Auntie in Tainan. Now I remembered!
It was nearly midnight. I hadn't eaten, so I suggested we had a littke snack. Where?
The choice was poor: McDonald's, MosBurger, Yoshinoya or some late night street food stall at the night market...
We picked MosBurger.
The conversation quickly settled on the topic of Buddhism. He had been training and practicing more intensively for the past year.
This unexpected encounter brought lots of lightness to me. I realised the past couple of months had been quite rich but heavy, and allowed me little time to unburden myself from all the things I had been carrying in my mind.
He gave me a little pack of pills when he learned that I slept badly.
"They come from Tibet. They're made of roots and some plants. Then the monks pray millions of time on them. Take them whenever you feel something isn't right."
He had turned to Buddhism a year ago. Confused life, bad sleep, and ghosts! His sister who had this 6th sense said she saw ghosts around him.
"The best way to get rid of ghosts and reach a better place was to practice the teaching of Buddha. Learn to empty your mind. Because the more you think of ghosts, the more space you give to them."
I told him that it could apply to everything in life. It all depends on our awareness and conscience of what surrounds us. If we manage to empty our mind from this constant noise of unncessary, negative thoughts, we can see more clearly what direction we have to follow.

Last night was the first good night I had in weeks.

And the Buddhist saga goes on.