As I'm slowly slipping out of my comatose state, I wanted to share a few words about what is happening to The Third Wife in Vietnam. The film has been pulled from the theatres only 4 days after its release. There had been a nasty campaign against the film before it even reached the screens, and the target was the fact that the leading actress, Nguyễn Phương Trà My was underage and had to perform intimate scenes. If it could have been understandable were the concern for her truly genuine, it was evident that those supposed self-righteous defenders of morality were only aiming at destroying the film by harassing the young actress online, spreading their venom when they had actually not even seen the film, thus totalling missing the point the film is making. Those who have seen it know that everything was more suggested than shown during those 'hot' scenes. There was no gratuitous nudity, no child abuse, nothing explicit as people have claimed. Trà My was well surrounded, her wonderful mother was there to make sure that everything was done for the safety of her daughter, both physically and psychologically. I was there during the shooting, and I can testify to that. Beside, there's something called ACTING. People who have seen the film know what a tremendously talented actress Trà My is. And again, I would understand if people really worried about her. But by the way they have attacked Trà My, accused the director and the producer of promoting paedophilia or whatever else, it's obvious that there were other reasons to all this trolling and harassment. Jealousy? (most likely) Old grudge? Propaganda in disguise?
The film has so far garnered ten awards, went to more than 50 festivals around the world. It would, should have given Vietnam something to be proud of... Any other country would joyfully celebrate such an achievement.
It was an honour for me to be part of this film. I'm proud of what we have done. We wanted to tell a story that has happened in a not so distant past in Vietnam and is still happening now in so many countries. Time will settle the dust and perhaps - hopefully allow those people to see more clearly. Hopefully...

Just got a message from the Golden Melody Award staff for a make-up appointment before the ceremony... Things are getting serious now...

On being Asian

I.

X: Ha ha ha, how typical!!!

Me: What?

X: That you are eating Vietnamese spring rolls!

Me: I happen to eat that once in a while...

X: I love spring rolls! They're so delicious! I have to have them once a week!

Me: How typical...

II.

French Lady: Oh you remind me of that actor I saw in that film!

Me: Which film? 

French Lady: The last Emperor!

Me: (I suppose it wasn't Peter O'Toole...)

III.

French Lady: Oh I thought of you the other day, I saw that film and you really look like the actor in it!

Me: Which film? The Last Emperor?

French Lady: No! In the Mood for Love!

IV.

X: Do you do martial arts?

Me: No, unfortunately. Why?

X: Jet Li is soooo cool in Romeo must Die!

You should learn kung fu so you can be the next Jet li!!!

Me: Indeed that's my greatest wish...

V.

X: How's life in Japan?

Me: erm... I live in Taiwan...

X: I thought you were in Japan...?

Me: I had a few projects and love it there... but I live in Taipei.

X: Yes that's what I mean! So how's Japan? 

Me: 素晴らしいです

X: ???

Me: That was Japanese. It means really great.

X: Oh? I thought you spoke Chinese...

VI.

X: Where are you from?

Me: Have a guess...

X: Japan!

Me: No...

X: China!

Me: No... try again

X: Thailand!

Me: No...

X: Korea...?

Me: No... I'm from Vietnam

X: Oh yeah of course! I knew it!!!

VII.

Girl: Where will you go next?

Me: Japan. I will go to Tokyo in two months, then Niigata.

Girl: Oh nice! I will be close! I will go to India!!!

Me: erm... that's just a few thousands of km away...

Girl: But it's in Asia, isnt it?

VIII.

J.: Hello!

Me: Hello!

J.: So we are supposed to talk to each other...

Me: Yes, I know... You were in Vietnam a few months ago... and I'm Vietnamese...

J.: My mother told me to come tonight because she had met you the other day and she thought I had to see you because I had a trip in Vietnam last spring...

Me: So we have to say something huh? ... I don't know what to say...

J.: Me neither!!! 

(we both laugh)

IX.

MC: ... And let me introduce you to our wonderful pianist tonight, mister Ang Toon Ta... I hope I said it well!!!

(applause)

X.

(first day in primary school)

Teacher: Sellier? 

Sellier: I'm here

Teacher: Tavernier?

Tavernier: I'm here

Teacher: Thoretton?

Thoretton: I'm here

(long silence)

Teacher: ... T... Toôô... Tôôôô Taaah?

(all the faces turn to me)

Me: I'm here... (I wish I weren't...)

XI.

X: You really look like...

Me: ... that Asian actor in 'The Lover'. 

X: Yes! Did other people tell you so as well?

Me: Those who saw the film yesterday on tv.

Gone

Beyond the physical distance, the questions, with all the hope, prayers and uncertainties that are inevitable during such times, I'm glad I could have been of some moral support, to make make the day-by-day process a little less painful these last four months of your life. But the big Cancer Monster defeated you before you could return home... And I'm heartbroken. 

Goodbye, farewell, wherever you are, my dear.

What a week.

On being Asian

a.

X: Where are you from?

Me: (I was born in Paris but...) I'm Vietnamese

X: Oh Vietnam!!!! I love the beef noodle!

b.

X: Where are you from?

Me: I'm French

X: Yes... but I mean where are you REALLY from. Because you don't look... French

Me: Vietnam

X: Oh!!! Vietnam! I have a Vietnamese friend!

Me: I have French friends too!

c. 

X: Oh An, I thought of you the other day!!!

Me: Oh really? How come?

X: I was walking on the street and I saw a Chinese restaurant!

Me: You mean the Chinese takeaway near [...] ?

X: Yes!!!! I love beef noodle!

d.

X: Nice to meet you. What's your profession?

Me: I'm a musician

X: I mean, do you have a real job?

Me: (Talk to stupid people) Yes, I own a laundromat

X: Oh really? I thought you were working in a restaurant

e.

X: You're a musician! That's great! You must meet my cousin!

Me: Is he a musician too?

X: Well, he plays some instrument... I don't know. Piano...? Oh no, he plays the flute. But that was a long time ago, when he was young... 

... and I could go on for a very long time...

Conversation _ loop _ mother

 Conversation _ loop _ mother _ there's joy in repetition _ Vietnam

Mother: (looking around the streets of Saigon) "It's amazing how things have changed. It's much bigger now"
Me: "Yes, changes are noticeable by the year in Saigon"
Mother: "Saigon?"
Me: "Yes, we are, you are in Saigon!"
Mother: "C'est pas possible! (That's impossible) When? But it doesn't look at all like Saigon..."
Me: "You arrived this morning. We are in Vietnam. Look! Chợ Bến Thành is over there (Ben Thanh market, a very famous spot)."
Mother: "... I don't recognise anything..."
Me: "See all the people, the signs and boards in Vietnamese"
Mother: "Ah.... I thought we were..."
Father: "... in Paris Chinatown!"
Mother: "Exactly!"
Me: (Thanks for your help, dad...)
Mother: "It has changed so much since the last time I was there, not long ago"
Me: "Your last time you were in Vietnam was nearly 20 years ago..."
Mother: "No... it was just a few years. Ask your dad"
Father: "The year 2000. 19 years ago"
Mother: "Oh... (looks at a woman with a cone hat). The Vietnamese community has really grown! They're everywhere now! Even the signs are in Vietnamese!"
Me: "Because we are in Saigon..."
Mother: "What? C'est pas possible!!! I don't believe you... Ask your dad!"
Father: "Saigon, Vietnam. Arrived this morning!"
Mother: "Really? C'est pas possible! I don't remember anything!
Me: "Ah... is that so...."

...

Mother: (contemplating the garden of my grandfather's house) "This garden is so lovely. All these flowers... so peaceful."
Me: "Yes, I love this house"
Mother: "It's nice to have our own house with a big garden. I remember when your dad was in Vietnam and I started looking for a new house..."
Me: "It's grandfather's house, in Huê, mom"
Mother:  "Grandfather? Huê? C'est pas possible!"
Me: "Look at the house. Look at the furniture..."
Mother: "Oh... yes... Oh... yes. I remember... I love dad's house... and to go to the house you have to climb up the hill and pass a pagoda."
Me: "It's all flat around here. You're describing the way to your dad's house in Nam Giao (her childhood home)
Mother: "It's (my) father's house! Look!"
Me: "It's dad's father's house in Huê..."
Mother: "Huê? But it looks nothing like Huê!!!"
Me: "Look behind, it's grandfather's altar. And here, his furniture. And there is dad's room, when he was young"
Mother: (looking around, eyes drifting)We're in Huê... C'est pas possible! I don't remember anything..."
Me: "(ah...)"

...

(In a car, on our way to the family tombs)

Mother: "It's amazing how things have changed around here.."
Me: "Huê has not changed as much as Saigon."
Mother: "We can't be in Huê!"
Me: "Look at that sign board. It has Huê written all over it. And here's the Perfume River. "
Mother: "Chinatown has changed so much..."
Me: "This is Huê, mother. We are on a trip in Vietnam. We are spending one week in Huê and we are on our way to see our ancestors' tombs"
Mother: "We're in Vietnam??? Don't lie to me! When? How? C'est pas possible!
Me: "This is your school... look!"
Mother: "Oh yes. And if you go further, there's a street that goes up to our house in Nam Giao."
Me: (relieved) "Exactly! Aren't you glad to be back in Huê?"
Mother: "We're in Huê????? C'EST PAS POSSIBLE!"

I talked my mother on the phone two days ago. She seems to have got back to her routine in her house in Paris. Conversation was our usual conversation (how's work / where are you? / what film I'm working on / she wants to have a copy of it etc...) My father said that she was asking what the luggage in the entrance were for.

She doesn't remember our trip in Vietnam at all.

I find it fairly ironic that in Thưa mẹ con đi (Goodbye mother), the next (Vietnamese) long feature for which I will write the score, the grand mother of the main character has the Alzheimer's disease...

For now, I'm sick, physically and emotionally drained from that trip in Vietnam and coughing - those damn a.c. pushed to the maximum... But I know what musical colour I want to give to the film now. Minh's film is a dramedy, more on the lighter side, though, with some slapstick elements - coming from the grandmother character...I think a score made of minimalist Scandinavian pop elements might counterbalance the local Vietnamese countryside flavour of the film, and open bring out hidden - or undevelopped aspects of the characters. On verra...     

I just talk to my father in the phone. My mother did not recognise her house when she came back in Paris.. If the flight back to France went without any issue, the first night at home was terrible: she thought people were coming to take her away. The next day, she asked my father what the suitcases were doing near the living-room...
Unfortunately, I didn't suspect, or didn't want to believe that such a trip would affect her dramatically. Being in Vietnam, visiting the tombs of her parents, going back to Huế and Đà Lạt must have had the effect of a cyclone in her forgetful mind. Deep down, she recognised and acknowledged what she saw and experienced, but the crash between that and the erected web of fractured memories must have been violent for her.   

Hopefully she will regain some stability as familiarity sinks in again. Hopefully. 

Thưa mẹ.