Thursday 11 April 2019

On being Asian

X: Ha ha ha, how typical!!!
Me: What?
X: That you are eating Vietnamese spring rolls!
Me: I happen to eat that once in a while...
X: I love spring rolls! They're so delicious! I have to have them once a week!
Me: How typical...

French Lady: Oh you remind me of that actor I saw in that film!
Me: Which film? 
French Lady: The last Emperor!
Me: (I suppose it wasn't Peter O'Toole...)

French Lady: Oh I thought of you the other day, I saw that film and you really look like the actor in it!
Me: Which film? The Last Emperor?
French Lady: No! In the Mood for Love!

X: Do you do martial arts?
Me: No, unfortunately. Why?
X: Jet Li is soooo cool in Romeo must Die!
You should learn kung fu so you can be the next Jet li!!!
Me: Indeed that's my greatest wish...

X: How's life in Japan?
Me: erm... I live in Taiwan...
X: I thought you were in Japan...?
Me: I had a few projects and love it there... but I live in Taipei.
X: Yes that's what I mean! So how's Japan? 
Me: 素晴らしいです
X: ???
Me: That was Japanese. It means really great.
X: Oh? I thought you spoke Chinese...

X: Where are you from?
Me: Have a guess...
X: Japan!
Me: No...
X: China!
Me: No... try again
X: Thailand!
Me: No...
X: Korea...?
Me: No... I'm from Vietnam
X: Oh yeah of course! I knew it!!!

Girl: Where will you go next?
Me: Japan. I will go to Tokyo in two months, then Niigata.
Girl: Oh nice! I will be close! I will go to India!!!
Me: erm... that's just a few thousands of km away...
Girl: But it's in Asia, isnt it?

J.: Hello!
Me: Hello!
J.: So we are supposed to talk to each other...
Me: Yes, I know... You were in Vietnam a few months ago... and I'm Vietnamese...
J.: My mother told me to come tonight because she had met you the other day and she thought I had to see you because I had a trip in Vietnam last spring...
Me: So we have to say something huh? ... I don't know what to say...
J.: Me neither!!! 
(we both laugh)

MC: ... And let me introduce you to our wonderful pianist tonight, mister Ang Toon Ta... I hope I said it well!!!

(first day in primary school)
Teacher: Sellier? 
Sellier: I'm here
Teacher: Tavernier?
Tavernier: I'm here
Teacher: Thoretton?
Thoretton: I'm here
(long silence)
Teacher: ... T... Toôô... Tôôôô Taaah?
(all the faces turn to me)
Me: I'm here... (I wish I weren't...)

X: You really look like...
Me: ... that Asian actor in 'The Lover'. 
X: Yes! Did other people tell you so as well?
Me: Those who saw the film yesterday on tv.

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