On being Asian

I.

X: Ha ha ha, how typical!!!

Me: What?

X: That you are eating Vietnamese spring rolls!

Me: I happen to eat that once in a while...

X: I love spring rolls! They're so delicious! I have to have them once a week!

Me: How typical...

II.

French Lady: Oh you remind me of that actor I saw in that film!

Me: Which film? 

French Lady: The last Emperor!

Me: (I suppose it wasn't Peter O'Toole...)

III.

French Lady: Oh I thought of you the other day, I saw that film and you really look like the actor in it!

Me: Which film? The Last Emperor?

French Lady: No! In the Mood for Love!

IV.

X: Do you do martial arts?

Me: No, unfortunately. Why?

X: Jet Li is soooo cool in Romeo must Die!

You should learn kung fu so you can be the next Jet li!!!

Me: Indeed that's my greatest wish...

V.

X: How's life in Japan?

Me: erm... I live in Taiwan...

X: I thought you were in Japan...?

Me: I had a few projects and love it there... but I live in Taipei.

X: Yes that's what I mean! So how's Japan? 

Me: 素晴らしいです

X: ???

Me: That was Japanese. It means really great.

X: Oh? I thought you spoke Chinese...

VI.

X: Where are you from?

Me: Have a guess...

X: Japan!

Me: No...

X: China!

Me: No... try again

X: Thailand!

Me: No...

X: Korea...?

Me: No... I'm from Vietnam

X: Oh yeah of course! I knew it!!!

VII.

Girl: Where will you go next?

Me: Japan. I will go to Tokyo in two months, then Niigata.

Girl: Oh nice! I will be close! I will go to India!!!

Me: erm... that's just a few thousands of km away...

Girl: But it's in Asia, isnt it?

VIII.

J.: Hello!

Me: Hello!

J.: So we are supposed to talk to each other...

Me: Yes, I know... You were in Vietnam a few months ago... and I'm Vietnamese...

J.: My mother told me to come tonight because she had met you the other day and she thought I had to see you because I had a trip in Vietnam last spring...

Me: So we have to say something huh? ... I don't know what to say...

J.: Me neither!!! 

(we both laugh)

IX.

MC: ... And let me introduce you to our wonderful pianist tonight, mister Ang Toon Ta... I hope I said it well!!!

(applause)

X.

(first day in primary school)

Teacher: Sellier? 

Sellier: I'm here

Teacher: Tavernier?

Tavernier: I'm here

Teacher: Thoretton?

Thoretton: I'm here

(long silence)

Teacher: ... T... Toôô... Tôôôô Taaah?

(all the faces turn to me)

Me: I'm here... (I wish I weren't...)

XI.

X: You really look like...

Me: ... that Asian actor in 'The Lover'. 

X: Yes! Did other people tell you so as well?

Me: Those who saw the film yesterday on tv.