Friday, 15 May 2009


As too often in my life, music is my only haven. I am trying to organize some singing sessions with friends. My piano is tuned, so it would be shame not to take advantage of it.
I’m gathering a few singers here and there to go through a repertoire including part-songs, duets and lieder. Only boys for now, so I had do search through many scores to find the adequate material. Beautiful a cappella Schubert four-part songs, as well as Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov’s which I had never heard before. Singing in Russian may take some time, so we began with Schubert, even if German isn’t a language any of them can speak. Mozart’s Notturni would have come next, but there were written for two female voices and a basso. So we had to leave them aside. 
People should know more of the joy of singing together. Beside the music, it also creates great vibrations that spread all around. I always feel rejuvenated after a singing session. I introduced Ulysses to a few duets that I have been working with Julia and Isabelle. Now the plan is to settle a few dates in June for a couple of private performances among friends. Good friends, good music, and good food. That’s the perfect combination.


Sometime, love comes and leaves in front of one's eyes and one can only remain passive. As two friends said : "It’s you, I and us." 
Most of the time, one of the three is missing. From the beginning, I had this odd impression that whenever Andy was not around, I didn’t feel him at all. As if the very concept of him in the relationship did not exist. When I think of it now, I would almost say that his physical presence was like a mirage, that he never completely allowed himself to materialise in our story. It was a weird impression. Whether we feel or do not feel for someone. This void was an unknown sensation I had never felt for someone. Was it all a masquerade ?
The answer has not come to me.
It’s now ended. I didn’t have any part in the finality. Andy left one morning. The atmosphere was very silent but heavy. He had told me the previous night that somebody like Alo was more suitable to me. Later in the day he sent me a text message thanking me for the relationship. Was this the end? 
Last week we spent the whole Sunday afternoon playing music together. It was the first time. I showed him music that aren't usually played on the flute, artsongs and lieder I'm singing alone or with others. It was a beautiful moment. Dense and deep.     

I could only watch it happen. Andy has never been good at expressing his feelings. There was never any ’us’.

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