Friday, 6 June 2008

Heroes of our own life

I am re-awakening to myself. Maybe I was trying to chase too many rainbows at the same time. The same old rainbows anyway. Anyhow, I came back to the same conclusion: music is the core of my life, possibly the only one. Try hard as I may to also live a ‘normal’ life, I fail. I just cannot do the things, think the thoughts normal people do. Being not normal doesn’t make me feel better or superior. When I was a child, I used to have this thought when I was rejected or bullied at school: ‘One day they will see’. I don’t know what my schoolmates were supposed to see. Feel shame? Regret for they cruelty? Awe for the great man I was to become? I’m just different. Whether I am in Taipei, Paris or New York, I’m bloody different. Not only in terms of ethnicity, spiritual belief, sexual preference, social class, or way of life. Being different goes hand in hand with being solitary. The difference now, is that it’s no longer a tragedy for me. I’m standing on my own ashes now and am building a new life, according to my aspirations. Whether I change, whether I become a better person does not really matter. That’s not something I can control. It’d be illusory to think the human being can have a whole grasp of what life is, present, past, future. The key is to totally focus on the present moment and enjoy it. As I’m working on my music, I’m chatting with my friend Xiao from China.
And he wrote something I could say for myself:
« It's not dreadful to recognize the cruelty of true life. Prepare for the worst, get the best. […] Even if making no triumph eventually, we are still the heroes in lives of our own. Because we dare be proud to say: I devoted all my passion and energy, that's the meaning of life. »

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