Monday, 9 September 2013


I just couldn't resist it any longer. At 5:14pm I sent William a message: There isn't a single day that I don't think of you. I miss you so much. I'm aware that I could have been a tad more original, but I have to make it simple for him, since his command of English isn't that advanced. At 22:05, his reply came in the shape of one of those cute stickers that never fail to exasperate me: a weeping rabbit contemplating the photo of his beloved bear. I didn't know there was a sticker for every single life/love situation...
William has never been the talkative type. His silences and his presence can express more than pages of words.
He hasn't tried to contact me the past three weeks, certainly because he doesn't to add salt to the wound, but I know he keeps an eye on me. Whenever I post a new picture on Facebook, I can see a little 'like' from him.

I wonder whether I should try to maintain the distance a little longer until the feeling wanes, or whether I should take action and be more aggressive? However, do I have the right to compel him to make a decision? I guess not. So the question returns to me: what does the situation reflects of me?
I met up with Jin who gave me a make-up set for Thursday's shooting with Raymond. We sat around a cup of tea and naturally, the topic of love and relationship quickly became the main core of the conversation.
"Have you ever tried to maintain a relationship when you're not madly in love with the person... that your feeling are no more than a liking of the person?" Jin asked me.
"I guess in that case, I wouldn't bother. I wouldn't now. Maybe I would just try to be friend, eventhough friendship also requires lots of effort. Maybe that's why I'm single..." I gave a faint laugh. 
"Because I know that in my case, a relationship would work if my partner loves me more than I do. If I really fall madly in love with someone, it would be too passionate, I would do anything for the person. And that's not good."
I agreed. I had done that too often in my life. And the ideal lover does not exist. First you're on a cloud, then you have to adjust with the differences, given that you love the person enough to make that step. The concept of perfection is one of the greatest human illusion.
But I will try again with William. I know I had to.

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