My decision now? To resume my work on the second album I had been neglecting for too long now. I’m waking up to music again. It’s a good feeling. I look at myself in the mirror and the reflection shows a smiling face.
My days of mourning my lost love are over. Self pity can go find another prey somewhere else. I’m back to light again!
All I have been doing the past weeks was to play host for these countless friends and relatives of mine on visit in Paris. I also wasted more time on Facebook, replying and writing messages.
No mind to do anything else apart from going to the gym and do some occasional singing practice. It’s all my fault of course, I could have said no to them, or just met them for a short drink. If I have to be honest with myself, I know I was trying to project a good image of myselfas my self esteem is at its lowest.
Now all this is coming to an end. Thesaurus is now on my desk, along with a volume of the complete work by Emily Dickinson and some Pasolini’s poems. I have also printed out the texts Bibbe sent me a few months ago. Reading them always inspires me.
What to do when someone sends (bad) music in the hope (and self delusion) that their work might get promoted thanks to my (professional) help… ?
This cousin of mine that I haven’t seen for decades suddenly resurfaced to ask me to help a friend of hers - probably her boyfriend, a pianist who wishes to find a place in as a film composer…
I was slightly annoyed when I read her letter. Ten years, if not more, and not a single 'how are you'. She went straight to the fact and told about her current life.
Things may have been different if the music of her boyfriend's got me hooked. But it was only an endless clumsy piano ranting which didn't evoke anything to me but blandness and boredom.
I tossed it away.
Family ties, friendship shouldn't be used in such a manner.
When my father was about to start composition for the score of Cyclo, I asked him whether he could ask the production whether I could come and watch the shooting on the film set.
He managed to get me an appointment with one of the producers. At that time, I didn't know what direction to follow. I wanted to work in films, or so I thought, I was taking acting and dancing lessons. I had joined an agency which didn't find me anything but silly commercials. Being an Asian person in France didn't help in the art field. The Asian representation in cinema was non-existent. Daniel Wu had yet to found AliveNotDead!
The producer said he would try to find something for me, but added that I shouldn't expect to get things easily and be 'that little mouse on the film set' just thanks to my father. That came as a shock to me.
Everyone knows that it's al about connection in the business. Look at the music, theatre, film industry, it's always somebody's son, somebody's brother or relative... A big family affair.
Those words upset me. And I swore to myself that I would never use my father's name again for anything, that whatever I would do, would come from me alone.
I eventually received a call from the film company for a position as assistant to the director for a project then entitled Droit de Cité which would later become La Haine. The director would be Mathieu Kassovitz, whom I had briefly met at a party to celebrate the success of Scent of Green Papaya. He was handing flyers for his new film Métisse to all the people present.
I was never to work on this film. The day I received the news, I also received a letter from the army commanding me to be ready to do my military service in Germany.
But that is another story.