Sleepless night last night. I could only close my eyes for an hour and half. I was kept awake the rest of the time by concerns and worries, before I realized what was happening: these worries are my connection to the past. Now that I have made this move to Asia, why should I bring them along? Like many of the things I had to throw away before leaving, those thoughts which now are part of a life gone find no relevance in this new chapter I’m beginning. I feel so much power in being able to decide what I want for myself. I know everything only depends on how I formulate my thoughts, on what I give my attention to. The universe is there to materialize all this for my experience. Fill myself with joyousness, that’s my motto.
Speaking of which, I still haven’t got rid of this Parisian flat of mine. Still two months before the lease it officially over. I have to cut the bond that still ties me to it. Goodbye, goodbye, farewell.
Another realization this past night: the fact that I struggled so much writing the music for Jo only mirrors the fact that this big tower I had erected between myself and the world is falling apart. The man is finally coming to be with the others. I will retain my characteristics but it’s vital to leave this tower where I have been standing for so long. As the thought occurred to me, I felt appeased and at peace. Finally.
|Niigata at dusk|