Wednesday, 12 September 2012


"The Lover's discourse today is of an extreme solitude"

The first encounter was at the hotspring, more than three months ago. The weather was getting hotter ands hotter by the day, yet I felt like going to the hotspring with my friend Jin. I heard that the benefits were even greater during the hot season.
We went to the one I usually go to, in the YangMing mountain. The pools there are comfortable, the place is clean and spacious. As it happened sometime, once in a blue moon, it was love at first sight. I can say it now that I write about it a few months later. But there he was, this young man, enjoying himself with a friend in one of the middle pool. (a friend? a relative? a significant other?) Not a significant other, since his stare would end on me. In the steam room, he stood next to me. His eyes coudn't have expressed more. But I didn't dare to say a word. What word? I couldn't speak Chinese anyway. Just enough for basic life situation, although not this one (oh yes, some cheeky friend gave me a small little book of hook up lines in Chinese... I should make better use of it than leave it to take dust on the shelf)
He was the best looking one, literally glowing in the midst of naked bodies. Hard as I tried to keep a detached composure, I could not help scanning the place to search for him. When finally I saw him walk to the changing room, I knew I had to act, otherwise he would disappear from my life for ever. I was given his number. Discreetly.

For a whole month, our encounters remained very chaste. We would have a drink or a dinner, I took him to the screening of that Swedish film Maria Larssons eviga ögorn, which, to my greatest pleasure, he enjoyed, a good omen that we would have more interesting things to share. I enjoyed taking that time. So old-fashioned. Maybe the other reason it took so long was that I found out he was already engaged in another relationship, although the status on Facebook let me know that it was an 'open relationship'. In spite of his young age, twenty-eight, they had been together for ten years already... And that he was a Christian...  - oh dear, oh me, oh my. Ceci explique cela...
"Seize the day!" I said to myself. I was not going to expect or ask anything from him. I was not to repeat the same mistakes from the past. Just enjoy the few precious moments we had together, that was the key.
I could sense his original feeling physical attraction grow into something deeper. Yet he would avoid talking about it.

The first kiss... Funny how still at my age, a first kiss can be so meaningful. We took a walk along the river after our dinner. He drove me there on his scooter. There was a wharf near my flat, which I never paid attention to.
Some nocturnal joggers, young kids playing basket ball. We chose a bench facing the river and sat there for a long time. Kissing him as the obvious thing to do, so I did it. He didn't resist. One month after our first encounter.

We were once lying in bed, in his other flat in Keelung - out occasional getaway when we would need a place to escape. I felt so blissful and content.
"You know, when I first saw you at the hotspring, you really stood out. It was impossible for me to think of anything else!"
"Love at first sight, huh?" William replied. 
He didn't say anything else.
I noticed that the unexpected turn of our relationship brought confusion in his faith.
"I feel so far from God now..." he wrote one evening.
Sometime, I want to 'call the whole thing off', as the song goes. I know I come after his boyfriend, his family, his friends, his colleagues and above all: God...
I can only seize the day.
But each moment with him is full joy.

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