Conversation with Xiao

Xiao:

Bonjour rabbit

The rain has stopped and air is so fresh.....I hope you had a good sleep and are well prepared for today

Aaken:

yes, Thanks

A very good sleep, and I have been working already, coaching a singer for one song - I mean, a dancer, not a singer - so that's why he needed some coaching

How are you?

Xiao:

hahhahahhah....Interesting

I had a nice sleep... but my brother's doggie disturbed it, so I have to get up earlier

Aaken:

Oh....

Xiao:

However... However.... it's still a good time for me

Aaken:

Good, then, you sound lighthearted

Xiao:

Just had lunch... mum cooked for us......

Aaken:

It's good to hear that.

It's infectious

Xiao:

Then i'll try to be even more delightful

Now  they're listening to your songs....

Aaken:

Who? They? What, when, whom, where ?

Xiao:

I forwarded your hello to them. Now you see? 

My family lah!!!

Aaken:

Yes, I see…

That's more than a hello!

Xiao:

Seems you added some new pieces of your work on myspace

Aaken:

Did I?

Aaken:

It's been a long time already

I added some of my stage works

Xiao:

Huh....You're more brilliant than I ever thought, hahahh

Aaken:

The remix of Radiohead and some songs I wrote for other singers

Xiao:

Coz I heard some different styles of work.... Yes, by some french singers

Aaken:

Yes. That was a long time ago. The songs were written around 1996-97!!!

Xiao:

Coooooooooooool.........stunning

Aaken:

Then some song covers and a song for Portuguese singer, Bévinda

Xiao:

Obviously the characteristics of your songs then were quite different

Aaken:

Well, her style was different, I had to adapt.

Xiao:

Yes...I never listened Bévinda's music

Aaken:

I hadn't found my style back then, yet, so I was experimenting

Xiao:

yes....I found the trace of imitation from that period of your song

      … experimenting? Precisely.....

Aaken:

In the songs for Michèle Atlani?

Xiao:

Oh.let me check the name

Aaken:

But that's old stuff. I also did some covers of songs by famous artists

Then two remixes for this Japanese singer, Megumi Satsu.

Xiao:

’Ah oh, ah oui’

Aaken:

yes, and ‘Je m'aime’

Xiao:

yes yes

Aaken:

Horrible songs in their original versions

Xiao:

Old style

I think I have a golden ear, even if I don't know the specific history

Aaken:

 Actually, those remixes were done this winter, but her songs were recorded in the 80's, so I had to find a bridge between then and now. And I must say I wasn't much inspired by the songs themselves. So I fooled around.

Xiao:

mmmm.....But you know I have very strong preference to some music.....and maybe never even give a try to other styles.

So.....there're many good or famous or well known ones yet to find

Fool around????oh....I like that!

I like this gaming spirit at work

Aaken:

Well if you go to her website, you can hear the originals. Then you'd understand

But I'm very happy about the Bévinda song

She's now a very good friend of mine

Xiao:

You said you had no friends

Aaken :

I haven't got many friends I can totally rely on. But I have many friends I love and with whom I share some good or less good times.

Xiao:

 I see

Aaken:

But as I wrote in my diary, quoting you, it's not a dreadful thing to recognize the reality of life.

Xiao:

Absolutely !

Today is a big day....

Today is the last day of my 33^rd year...... It's so dramatic....

Many coincidences

Aaken:

Birthday tomorrow????

Xiao:

I think I need to write an essay or story about it

Yup....but I don't care about the birthday.

Aaken:

You're a tiger, that's why we get along well

Xiao:

Come on, that's nothing

Okay....it's something for u...

Actually i don't like tiger

Aaken:

Gna gna gna

Xiao dit :

I don't believe in that...but.....I do fight with the dragon... my father!

Aaken:

Ha ha!!! I do fight with dragons too. I happen to have had many dragons in my life and it never went well with them.

Xiao:

And I love my mum best, she's a dog.

Aaken:

…while I get along very well with tigers and horses...

It's just an observation

Xiao:

My brother...now we're best friends...he's a rabbit

But yesterday I was annoyed by his feeding a dog at home

Aaken:

Oh.... ?

A young puppy?

Xiao:

I don't know its name...maybe…  Sheneri, or something which sounds like that.

I like puppies.....but I don't think it's good to feed them at home

Aaken:

I have no idea about that. I never had any pet.

Xiao:

I like all kinds of animals...and even got addicted to study rare and precious animals......but I think to love and respect them most is to let them live in their own environment.

To take them as pets is a very selfish behaviour, because they need animal's attachment...however those animals are very lonely while masters leave for work

Aaken:

But dogs are no longer wild animals

Xiao:

So I think if he cannot fully take care of the puppy, better not have it

In fact I like that puppy, and she (a female one) lets me touch her immediately....( well....she didn't let my parents at first!)

Aaken:

Ha ha!!

Xiao:

It's strange, uh?

I saw her for the first time yesterday

My brother told me, she didn't like ladies....ahahahahh

Aaken:

Ha ha

Xiao:

The puppy is pretty smart....at least as smart as you are.....

I still think, it’s no good to have a puppy so close to the bed room.

Aaken:

I really don't know

Xiao:

Nevermind...I just say.

Tomorrow is National Holiday..... Remembering Qu Yuan, a great poet, thousands of years ago...

Aaken:

Dragon Boat festival

Xiao:

He committed suicide that day.....yes!

Aaken:

Oh....

Xiao:

It is so interesting.....someone dies, someone lives

Xiao:

That year, he died, and I was "born", hahahah!

Aaken:

Yes, he gives turn

Xiao:

I told Nick a strange dream I had.

Aaken:

I was picking up a weak and sleeping tiger from outside, and put it on my couch....when I was awake from the sleep, I started to worry that the tiger would wake up and and attack me.

I see.
...

I don't tell Nick anything anymore

It’s dangerous!

Xiao:

But I found myself unable to move away from my bed.....so I hid my eyes under the quilt so not to see what the tiger would do.

Aaken:

And what did the tiger do?

The tiger is you, isn't it?

Xiao:

You are SMART!!!

And the tiger got up and approaches me with its paw

I was very nervous

When it put its paw on my shoulder....I woke up from the dream

I just told him the dream and gave my own explanation

It was about 3 weeks ago.

While i told you people were changed after the earthquake

Aaken:

Nothing can harm you in your dream

Xiao dit :

So it comes as the revival of the self.

I think the tiger means the revival of self-conscience

Aaken:

 …or the birth of your self

Tiger are wild animals, they are alive

Xiao:

…even if I was afraid of him. He would still find me

Aaken:

Don't people say 'live like a tiger’?

You may be afraid, but the tiger is you and will only become part of you eventually

Xiao:

I think i was a sleeping tigher

Aaken:

Yes, you were

Xiao:

Now I found out all the consequences, they happened one by one.

All about revival

...
God... It's really too dramatic a year!

To tell you something funny....Nick can never harm me, it is me always "QUENCHING" him. Hahaha!!!

Coz I seldom buy in him

I have no superstition about him

Aaken:

Yes, I understandd that, I, quenching his thirst

Xiao:

Whenever I look at a direction with confidence, I must go there, regardless of his words.

Aaken:

He needs people who are weakened, so he feels his power

Xiao:

I think so

Aaken:

But if you are strong, he tries to destroy you, or just leaves you

That's the usual behaviour of people who wants power

Xiao:

Then let him be

Aaken:

I do

I try to forget about him. It's hard because I loved him so much

Xiao:

It's a better way to leave him now

He must learn to grow in a more lonely way

Aaken:

Whatever…

In that case, everything happens for a reason. It's sad that it had to go that way. But it's like an abusive relationship.

He always breaks up with his friends

Xiao:

He always likes to say: “I wanna help you change your life”.....but never have I really had his courtesy...never...impossible.....no way!!!

Aaken:

He needs that to see the damages and then see 'oh they actually love me'

…

His courtesy, what do you mean?

Xiao:

Which means  he wants to see me live better

His good intention...

Well... He thinks it’s good, at least.

I never felt I needed that.

I appreciate his friendship, but not his guidance

Aaken:

You know, I have this thing with people who want to do good: they find a sense of themselves in doing so.

It's not for the good; it's the effect of the good they do.

All these people volunteering with Mother Theresa and thinking they are becoming something good

But it has to come with yourself first

I won't believe in any good from Nicolas if he doesn't treat himself that way as well, no matter his gift.

Xiao:

Unfortunately Nick likes to play God's role in other people's life.

Aaken:

I know

God stays up.

I told him that many time

Xiao:

Thus I think he's still a child...a naive child

Aaken:

He doesn't live in a physical world.

He wants to remain in his little divine bubble

Xiao:

And now.....he stopped talking with me again

Aaken:

And the funny thing is that when he sends me his dreadful mails, all the things he says about me are more relevant about him than me.

He doesn't want to because you are not saying amen to all that he says

I don't like people who are tyrans to their friends

Xiao:

He wants to, but never found any opportunity from me.

I'm not like you. I don't have to be very kind and lovely.

Aaken:

I know.

I know

I KNOW!!!

Xiao:

So I just told him: "You shut up!"

Then he listened.

Aaken:

lol

But he can also shut you down

Xiao:

He needs a tyran too!!!

See?

He called me shaovalism

Xiao:

shauvalism

hhahahah

hmmmmm.....by so far....he never can

Well....anyway....I will still watch on him while you're separated.

I willl extricate him out of his stupid ideas about this body builders joke.

That's extremely funny and childish.

Maybe he didn't let you know about that...so I will shut up for now.

Aaken:

I know he likes body builders.

He told me!

He wants his boyfriend to like that

Xiao:

And many other ridiculous things

Aaken:

He wants the other to be according to his own ideals, But cannot accept someone to be different

And that's what he criticized in me

Xiao:

yup....

and unfortunately you're not as tolerant as me

Aaken:

yes, and “I'm so stingy, I never keep my promises, I am vain, I have a double personality, I'm superficial, I'm whimsical, I don't respect people, and I'm too much in my own bubble…”

The kind of things he tells me

And that's just 10% of it

Xiao:

Almost the same he pointed out about me.

oh....different!

He merely said i am chauvalism and live my own world too much

Aaken:

oh one more thing: I'm too pretentious, I have too high an idea about myself, I always get mad when he says something to me.

Xiao:

I can see, he's quite honest with himself... that's what he really thinks

Aaken:

oh yes, he says that he is honest to me, because he never wants to be one of those who never dares to tell the truth… the thing being that he only tell the truth when he's angry

Xiao:

What I cannot understand is....if you see a person that low.....how come you still are in touch with him?

Aaken:

Indeed, why should he even bother to be my friend

Of course, I'm far from this ideal of a boyfriend; he would NEVER want me as a boyfriend!

I feel relieved!

He only recognizes my musical talent. But “I have no intuition; my understanding of the world is aboslutely wrong”

Well, you see, each time he sends me those e-mails, it's filled with that

The crowning of it all that was when he predicted my own death by suicide.

That was slightly too much for me …

Xiao:

He claims I am the perfect boyfriend....Should I feel honored or feel bad?

Aaken:

It's up to you

I am not of your element, I'm afraid!

Xiao:

While he said that… I really didn’t know how to react.

Afraid of hurting his fragile nerve.

Aaken:

For me, he was - or thought he was in love with you

I understand

Anyway, I really wish him all the best

I care for him a lot

But he's poison to me

Xiao:

Maybe you can also learn to see in yourself through him

He can be a mirror

Like I mentioned just now....what is the better way to treat with that kind of friend.

Actually, how to deal with a childish man.

Well...let's forget that

Aaken:

Accept him as it is

Xiao:

If you do have things to do, do it

Aaken:

      I can do that when I'm dealing with the person in real life

But somehow, when it's written matters, I get all the unleashed vibes right on my face, and it's hard to keep my cool.

Xiao:

I wish you can steal some moments from hard word, even 5 minutes, to walk out and take some fresh air.

Aaken:

I will eventually…

Go to the gym!

lol

Or have sex in the sauna

Or chase the wild goose

Xiao:

.....good job

Aaken:

I will surely take some time out

For now, I still have a LOT to write.

Xiao:

ah???? which means urgent?

Or pushing you?

heheh

Aaken:

But I'm happy about the new additional elements

The drums and the strings just kick ass!

Xiao:

hahah....I'm getting more and more popular now .....someone called me for tennis together just now

Aaken:

yeah good!

Xiao:

But I cannot

They're tennis friends in Beijing

Aaken:

oh.... too bad!

Xiao:

Not bad...it's new friend, he plays very well.....we plan to play together each week...........wow.......

I will have a high level partner to practice with.

Fantastic !

Aaken:

you're going away?

Xiao:

No. I say I will have good partner while I’m back in Beijing

Aaken:

ok

Xiao:

I think you will like playing it

Aaken:

Tennis?

If you re the teacher, then maybe.

But I have no level at all

Xiao:

Doesn't matter, as long as you have a healthy and fexible body, plus perseverance

Aaken:

Ha ha

Xiao:

Why haha???? hum

Level is not important....you can quickly move into it

Aaken:

Yes maybe

Xiao:

Where is your confidence, gentleman?

If you don't have any passion for it....you don't have to learn.

But if you have...I trust you can do it well

Aaken:

Passion for tennis...

I don't know

Xiao:

Imagine it!!!

Aaken:

I went through so many lessons when I was young, but was never really taught properly.

However, that may be different now

Xiao:

That's the key...so forget that past memory

When you forget the wrong old things, and replace them with brand new passion and perseverance, it won’t be difficult for you

Aaken:

yes!

Xiao :

I see how the past failure can be an obstacle in the mind

Aaken:

I actually did play more again when I was in Vienna

And did rather well…

But I played with beginners!!!!

Xiao:

You see? I think you can play it well, because you might have several crucial factors:

1. foot work

Aaken:

I have that.

Xiao:

2. harmonious nerve system

Aaken:

mmm

Aaken:

lol

Xiao:

3. a macro view

Aaken:

Yeah!

Xiao:

When you're moving on the court, the first thing is to keep in a very clear conscience of where you are now

Aaken:

yes

Xiao:

No matter how heavy the pressure your competitor imposes on you.

Then your foot can bring you to the most appropriate spot, and comfortably give it a stroke

Aaken:

I have to practice then

But honestly, I wonder when that will be

Xiao:

Yes... But you must under a good coach's encouragement and direction

When?  it depends on how much you want it.

If you really do, you will certainly arrange the time

Aaken:

One thing at a time

Xiao:

Yup... Priority

If it's always at the bottom of your priority list....then....  yuo don't have to seriously consider it

I don't say you must learn that

Xiao:

I merely think it is a good way....a very good way....but not sure if it’s good for you.

Aaken:

It's more a question of timing

Xiao:

Yup....Sort of

I really hope you will like it...then we can play together

Aaken:

yes

Xiao:

In the sports fields, people are more of themselves......nothing to hide, everything exposed thouroughly.

Coz they have to make decision by their basic instinct.

Aaken:

That's true

Xiao:

No time to hide

Aaken:

But isn't that also a training?

Xiao:

The training can do some help to the skills....but honestly, training is merely to enlarge your traits

So you see each player is still full of personalities

Their performances on the court are so different

Hmmmmm...you've have a  good court to release yourself

Music domain

Aaken:

Yes

Xiao:

Actually...i see music and sports are quite similar

Aaken:

But I play according to my own rules

Xiao:

No problem

Aaken:

Well, rules, or lack of any

I just follow my intuition. I go where it takes me

Xiao:

I tell you what....I never really learn playing tennis from others....all by my own intuition

Aaken:

Really?

Xiao:

… and observation

Aaken:

I tell you what, all that I do in my music, comes from me

I was lousy at the music school

Xiao:

Of course later I watch some famous coach's video, thus I can standardize my skill

Hmmmmm that 's why i feel a kinda wild taste from your music.....very.....alternative

I know i'm a genius in sports....

And I also know yours

But i'm more curious to know how these talents can drive us to be

Aaken:

I learn from contemporary as much as from pop music, tango, Indian raga or a waltz by Strauss

Xiao:

yup...I truly believe that you can

For some people born for something, it's never a mystery

You can just walk through the music kingdom like in your own courtyard.

Aaken:

The difficult thing was to be aware that I had to find the clues myself

Xiao:

I'm so familiar with that sense while writing poems, having sports, or doing something else

The clue is thread which you pull through the audiences.

It is the entrance and trail you guide the audiences wandering in your wonderland

The treasures are there, but need a trail to them

Xiao:

So, how flattering can I be?

But the ultimate flatter is to not flatter at all

Ok my dear....I hope you're happy with al these bullshiting

Aaken:

I am in heaven

lol

Xiao:

Watch your steps

Hahahahaha!!!

Now I'm going to meet mum and dad in the stadium.

We're gonna play badminton this time

Aaken:

wow ! What a family !!!

Xiao:

Take your time and see you around

Bye for now

I MUST RUN!

Hugs...

Aaken:

Kisses to you