Saturday, 4 August 2007

Collision / Friction / Quake / Explosion

Full moons are a time when I have no control over myself. I’m possessed by some force that can manipulate me like a puppet. I didn’t realize it at first, the last time. I only felt very irascible and touchy. I would startle at the slightest noise like that character from the Katherine Tate Show. My mind would become the prey of agonizing gushes of self doubt, I didn’t trust anything anymore, my future suddenly would seem grey and worthless to me. Nicolas’ words came back to haunt me like the Erinnyes.
What was happening? I hardly could recognize myself. Then as I biked along the river Seine, I understood. Up in the darkening sky shone the moon. Full beautiful. Unconcerned by the torments of her slaves!
It took a couple of days for the effect to wear out. The questions remain, but I can counter balance the doubts with more positive thoughts. How long shall I go on like that?

I got a reply from Maëlle about her dance piece. Everything should be going smoothly and simply. For once! I have all my ideas ready in my mind. I’m just waiting for her synopsis so to structure them. Now that I have written full scale ballets, a twenty-five minute piece seems like a child game to me.
Let’s not be too hasty and arrogant, though!

I finally received two photographs of Jo’s wedding. I was in shock when I saw his face. It was all puffy and tired. Not a happy wedding face. But I already had felt some slight disapproval when I read the news. Not about the fact that he was to marry Sawako. It was more the hastiness of the decision that startled me. I wish I could have called and talked to him. But who am I to say anything? We are only working together. I have no say to that. Yet I feel I should have opened my big mouth and told him what my intuition was whispering to me.
The timing was all wrong. He should have waited a few more months and take some time for himself. Jo is a man of responsibility. But this sense of duty prevents him from seeing the right path to follow. Now wasn’t the time to get married. Now was the time to find his true self again in order to step up to a new phase in his life. It was obvious that the stressful time he had to go through because of - or for his company was only an alert.
But Jo has shielded himself behind all these responsibilities and it isn’t likely that he’ll manage to get out of this muddy situation if he keeps on playing with these lousy cards.
I hope the new piece we’re going to do for the Brazil City Ballet will be a good opportunity for him to get some perspective.
He told me the key words about that piece:
Collision /  Friction / Quake / Explosion

Are they also key words about his subconscious?

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