Friday, 28 November 2014

William (again)

And I saw William again. The cycle continues and I didn’t have much faith in my ability to stay away from him for more than three months. He appeared in my dream one night. The scene was peaceful. He was just there and that was sufficient.
I sent him a little message the following day to which he immediately replied. ‘Do you want to see a movie?’ he asked. The Golden Horse film festival was coming to a close, there still was a couple of films worth watching. He picked Love is a strange thing
We met in the early afternoon. Samuel was flying back to Hong Kong that very day. He knew what William meant to me and was happy to have a glance at the person. He made himself discreet, although the two managed to have a little conversation together.
William had brought some food for lunch. We sat at the table near the kitchen. There was some cold noodles, a dish of rice cooked in a banana leave and some soup. We didn’t say much at first. I was happy to see him, but I didn’t want to start the same topic again. We knew what was going on; I knew he would not leave his boyfriend for me. But we also knew that there was love. What to do with it? William referred to me now as a friend. The idea sent some spikes to my heart. “Friendship is not second best to love”, I stated. “It takes as much effort to be friends than lovers.” Who was trying to convince? William didn’t say anything. I just wanted to see his reaction, to see if he would do something or express any feeling. He nodded and just kept on looking intensely at me.  I asked about his family, his ‘Taipei’ mother, his mother, his nephews. Un-involving talk. After a while, I hugged him from behind. Very soon, he stood up from his chair and embraced me. We stood motionless for a long time.No words were needed. I recalled the night he came to see me after midnight. We had a long walk along the river and he held me tight against him for long minutes. The embrace turned into a long kiss and we moved toward my room. Is that how a friend is to be handled? I felt a heavy weight being lifted up from him. What happened in bed was lighthearted, passionate and enjoyable. May this go on for a long time. How I love this guy...

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