And so, what if I let myself fall in love again?
Disappointments, heartbreaks and rejections still haven't managed to compel me to give up on it. Yet I feel more distant from the possibility of the amorous sentiment.
It is easy to make work the focus of my life, but there's always that hope to see this little something coming again in my life. But how many times did I get fooled. Or do I like to get fooled?
So I met Alberto. He's the one who contacted me on one of those numerous social network sites. Click on one name, see the picture, like it, unlike it, him/her/it... A few words and the product is sold. Contact? Some words or praise, flattery, sometime even sincerity. But it's a game, isn't it? It all is. A game which allows one to try before committing. And then... with what stupid joy do I throw myself into the illusion...
So I was quickly baited by the few words Alberto and I exchanged. What was offered to be read and seen, meaning his Facebook page, rose my interest. Here was someone who, beside his good looks, had something different. Something hidden inside that would not be easily given away. A certain quietness.
We settled to meet on Saturday afternoon. I knew he was to go to Paraguay for a month, on a last minute whim. Would he have the time to meet before? Yes, of course! Always possible when nothing is yet marked. Work and more work shrank a whole afternoon into an evening, then, later in the evening. We finally decided to meet at the Escape Artists café. ChingYao had asked me to come with him. The place was held by Brendon and his girlfriend Leslie; he a jewel designer, handsome and too 'gay-looking' for his own good, and she an actress, a friendly and lively girl. Their concept: paintertainment. Anyone can paint, as in anyone can cook...
Alberto knew them. He was having throat problems and couldn't speak much. Should he come over? If not now, then when?
First meeting was nice. What do I say? Promising. Should I allow myself to hope? To wish for more? Or have I given myself another ticket for a vertiginous fall?
Alberto knew Brendon and Lesley - not Leslie, as I had written before. They were part of the same acting group. ChingYao was doing most of the conversation with a girl who sat at our table - three good looking guys, there's hope! Alberto couldn't speak because of his voice injury and I couldn't speak because I didn't know Chinese. Blah blah blah...
Later I took Alberto to a chocolate and wine tasting event. Julia, a friend's friend was launching her new chocolate collection. The music was too loud (why do they all have to think that loud music = life?) so we sat outside. The weather was perfect. I enjoy this moment when everything seems possible, when everything is to be made (before everything is crushed by fear and uncertainty). I was glad I had found someone who gave me a hint of a hope that, yes, maybe I'm wrong; maybe I won't be alone after all... We ordered two boxes of chocolate from Julia.
I walked Alberto back to his place then took a taxi home. What a lovely evening!
[...]
Message from Jay: Thief won the 'Best short film' award at the Golden Horse Festival! Rejoice, rejoice!!! Jay and CJ deserved it!
[...]
As I was waiting for Alberto to show up, I started writing a few lines for a new song:
The image has been
Replaced by many others
I'm not the first fool for love
No longer the hero of my own story
It is easy to make work the focus of my life, but there's always that hope to see this little something coming again in my life. But how many times did I get fooled. Or do I like to get fooled?
So I met Alberto. He's the one who contacted me on one of those numerous social network sites. Click on one name, see the picture, like it, unlike it, him/her/it... A few words and the product is sold. Contact? Some words or praise, flattery, sometime even sincerity. But it's a game, isn't it? It all is. A game which allows one to try before committing. And then... with what stupid joy do I throw myself into the illusion...
So I was quickly baited by the few words Alberto and I exchanged. What was offered to be read and seen, meaning his Facebook page, rose my interest. Here was someone who, beside his good looks, had something different. Something hidden inside that would not be easily given away. A certain quietness.
We settled to meet on Saturday afternoon. I knew he was to go to Paraguay for a month, on a last minute whim. Would he have the time to meet before? Yes, of course! Always possible when nothing is yet marked. Work and more work shrank a whole afternoon into an evening, then, later in the evening. We finally decided to meet at the Escape Artists café. ChingYao had asked me to come with him. The place was held by Brendon and his girlfriend Leslie; he a jewel designer, handsome and too 'gay-looking' for his own good, and she an actress, a friendly and lively girl. Their concept: paintertainment. Anyone can paint, as in anyone can cook...
Alberto knew them. He was having throat problems and couldn't speak much. Should he come over? If not now, then when?
First meeting was nice. What do I say? Promising. Should I allow myself to hope? To wish for more? Or have I given myself another ticket for a vertiginous fall?
Alberto knew Brendon and Lesley - not Leslie, as I had written before. They were part of the same acting group. ChingYao was doing most of the conversation with a girl who sat at our table - three good looking guys, there's hope! Alberto couldn't speak because of his voice injury and I couldn't speak because I didn't know Chinese. Blah blah blah...
Later I took Alberto to a chocolate and wine tasting event. Julia, a friend's friend was launching her new chocolate collection. The music was too loud (why do they all have to think that loud music = life?) so we sat outside. The weather was perfect. I enjoy this moment when everything seems possible, when everything is to be made (before everything is crushed by fear and uncertainty). I was glad I had found someone who gave me a hint of a hope that, yes, maybe I'm wrong; maybe I won't be alone after all... We ordered two boxes of chocolate from Julia.
I walked Alberto back to his place then took a taxi home. What a lovely evening!
[...]
Message from Jay: Thief won the 'Best short film' award at the Golden Horse Festival! Rejoice, rejoice!!! Jay and CJ deserved it!
[...]
As I was waiting for Alberto to show up, I started writing a few lines for a new song:
What saves yourself
What’s in your mind
What agitates your blood
What veers closer to the depth
You go through the same motion
If I knew
If I could see
What makes you come?
The image has been
Replaced by many others
I'm not the first fool for love
No longer the hero of my own story
Yes. Another 'happy' song...
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