My mother: Do you want some biscuits? They're very good.

Me: No thanks! We just finished dinner. I don't feel like eating anything sweet now ...

My mother: Do you want some peaches? 

Me: Ahhh.... I'm really not hungry....

My mother: Do you want some medicine? I can share some with you! 

Trần Anh Hùng

I have to thank James. It's the Taipei Film Festival at the moment and he told me that Trần Anh Hùng was in town. What? Trần Anh Hùng? James said that he was one of the guests of honour of this years' edition. "And I have to serve as an interpreter to a Japanese director Trần Anh Hùng wants to meet! Trần Anh Hùng is going to have a massage later today because he feels exhausted, do you want to drop by and say hello?"
Bien sûr I accepted. Hùng was greatly surprised and delighted to see me. We both couldn't believe we had not met for 12 years! The last time I saw him was on the street of Paris, during the Gay Pride. He was having a walk with his baby son Cao Phi in his arms.
We set a date - for two days after, to spend some time together.

I took him to some favourite spots of mine in in the city, which he loved, then settled for a good four hours in this old Japanese tea house where we journeyed from one tea to another, and got drunk in the process!

What a joy to talk with him, after all this time. Someone who, naturally is so passionate about his work. Murakami, movie making, David Lynch, my dad, Harvey Keitel, E.T.A. Hoffmann, Lee Byun-Hung, Tanizaki, Jonny Greewood, Seiji Ozawa, Picasso, Jo Kanamori, Jonny Greenwood, the life and isolation of an artist... so many topics were covered, we didn't see time pass.
Spending time together like that would have been unthinkable for me twelve years ago. I was then so in awe of him that, even when invited for dinner at his place, I didn't feel the confidence - and certainly didn't didn't have the experience, to debate so freely about all those topics. 

I don't think it will be twelve years again before I see him. My intuition tells me our paths will cross again very soon.

I will always love you

How I managed to keep it on for so many years, I don't know. The only valid reason is what people call love. It is true, each moment spent with William was a happy, relaxed and fulfilling one. I didn't care about whether he wasn't ready to leave his partner. I didn't wish him to do that - if I didn't, then how could he even be able to take any decision... A few more last-minute cancellations and the announcement that he had moved into a new flat with his boyfriend triggered me to take action. Not that I was going to ask him to decide between me and his boyfriend. The past four years have been a more than clear indication that the choice would never have been in my favour. However, something was relevant to me in this new turn of events. It was, as he claimed, for his job. But it also signified that he was not going to make any change in the way he conducted his life. I was always going to be the trumped card in this double life of his, be a shameful secret he had to hide in the closet.

I wrote a short message to him. It had been four years this years, when we first laid eyes on each other at the hot spring. The memories are vivid, visually and emotionally. It was time to leave and this farewell was a resolute one. No more contact, no more Facebook nor Line. The mention of those modern ways of connection makes it sound as meaningless as a TV game show. Deep down, I was still hoping for a reaction from him. Something could still be saved. The unexpected twist at the end of the story... He wrote back.
"I will always love you" 

A pause and Whitney Houston's voice started yelling in my head. And I laughed long and hard. 

When one doesn't listen to one's inuition (The DunHuang saga continues)

I was asked by Shandy to attend a meeting with two persons from the Beijing DunHuang Academy at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel as she was in Japan and couldn't make it in time. My intuition told me not to waste my time with that, but I had not other reason to refuse. '

I came with a translator, a woman from Malaysia, and one of Shandy's many assistants - there would be a new one each time I would see Shandy...

I had never seen the Mandarin Oriental, and my first impression was that of a heavy architectural pastry, something between a Gothic manor and a Disneyland castle. The meeting was at 2 o'clock sharp, but the two persons arrived forty minutes late. It was nearly time for tea, and the cakes would prove excellent!

Three people from that academy were present: a seemingly affable middle aged man who said to be the 'initiator' of the company - the one who handles the money, obviously, a tall and icy young lady who was the classic dance director - her cold beauty would have been perfect for the role of the black widow in a Johnny To film. The third person was a Taiwanese lady in charge of the international projects. This one?

We sat around a big table in the dining room and I told them about the genesis of the music I had composed. They listened, but wouldn't make eye contact with me. Bad sign.

Then came the moment to play them the music. It was suggested that I picked the one piece which would best represent the whole project. Second bad sign.

They listened to three pieces, each time asking for something 'different'. I had the feeling to be auditioning for a part and asked to show joy, sadness, anger, drama... 

I saw no reaction. The icy lady asked a few questions which clearly indicated that she had come to the meeting with notions of what she wanted to hear. Her remarks reflected that. I wasn't surprised. I suddenly recalled a performance given by a DunHuang academy from Hong Kong which bored me to death with its self indulgent display of the star players' skills. I also remembered a tall icy lady who certainly did strike me as a big diva. So, they were the same and one academy. Had I known that, I wouldn't accept to go. The game was even for us anyway. Neither of us liked the other. But the DunHuang couple remained extremely courteous, although very cold and distant. The translator didn't feel at ease. Shandy's assistant felt her presence was useless. And I was happy to have eaten some delicious cakes - a tad too sweet, though, to my taste.

As David Bowie said, an artist should never work for somebody else, as it is extremely dangerous to fulfill other people's expectations. The past year has been a glorious illustration of that. We may not be in the Bowie's position to make such an aloof statement, but he is right.

Brief encounter

I was standing on the platform of the MRT, on my way to the TNUA in Guandu to see a dance show. A boy and his mother approached and lined up behind me. The boy, who was perhaps eight years old looked up at me and gave me a warm smile, just like an old friend would. Once in the train, as people were rushing in, I indicated two seats where he and his mother could sit. The journey to Guandu was a long one, and the boy kept looking up at me. No words were exchanged, but I enjoyed the silent connection with him. The person who was sitting behind them left, so I took the seat. The boy realised I had disappeared, turned to see where I had gone and smiled when he found out I was just behind him. How I wish I could have taken a picture at that moment. It was the most wonderful smile. The old lady next to me saw our interaction and very kindly offered to yield her seat, so I could be sitting with my son. At this, the boy smiled and answered that I wasn't her father. Confused, the lady gazed from him to me and decided that it might be better to mind her own business.
How I wished...
I fell asleep. The boy too. I nearly missed stop and dashed to the exit. The boy opened an eye right at that moment and managed to wave goodbye from his state of slumber, give me one last smile, then fell asleep again almost immediately.

So we met again in Tokyo after three years. Jo and Sawako were taking part in a conference about Miyake at the National Museum. But of course it was unthinkable that we did NOT see each other.

I have no idea when we will work together again. Jo explained that the dynamic in the company changed dramatically after the original dance partners left NOISM. "Now they're all young. Great dancers, but nothing in their mind. So the creative process is very different."
Yes the time when we created NINA or PLAY 2 PLAY were magical times. I wonder if as we age, it is possible to retain that momentum. Creativity and inspiration, yes, of course. But I have to agree the original members of NOISM were great and inspiring people, beside being extraordinary dancers. I can still recall the shock and dep elation when I first saw them perform in Paris. I was sitting on the first row, and the choreography had Jo come to the fore and he was dancing in front of us. A dialogue. Or love at first sight... All that happened afterwards could be the stuff of a novel. Still, here we were now. Looking back with longing. 
We have to make it happen again... 

Love Profusion - The Shooting

Two days of shooting, one day for the editing, and another day for the colour correction. I had never done a video so quickly.
This time I wanted to keep the story very simple: a girl and a boy love each other, the girl has another lover, and so does the boy.